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The Shock-O-Rama Poster Show 2019 #11


RUN while you still can. NOW!  I'm NOT kidding. While I hoped to pick up a few auctions wins over the last few days, I have found I have lost everything I've bid on. That is no big deal, really...except I was hoping any newly won poster would disguise or pull focus away from the bottom-of-the-barrel dreck I was including. Lots are designed to get rid of the trash by adding them to some semi-interesting but nothing-really-great posters as an enticement. Oh, there are always those lots that contain posters you will never post in a zillion years ("Nureyev's Don Quixote" or "Musical Passage" or "The Other Side of the Mountain Part 2", etc. any one?). My most recent lot and other lots before that have left me with dozens of posters I will never bother to share. Instead of waiting for better posters to come my way, I wanted to dispose of, er... post those few posters that are even slightly interesting. In lieu of the hoped for better posters, I've had to break into the lot purchase closet of shame to round out the posting. So, instead of pulling out the super snore-inducing "Lovers and Other Strangers" or "Visit To A Chief's Son" or "Trenchcoat", I've gone for the out and out laughable worst of the worst. You have been WARNED!!!!



FORCED ENTRY:

From 1975, future CHARLIE'S ANGEL and BOND Girl Tanya Roberts stars alongside a pre-CARRIE Nancy Allen in what apparently is a 2-years later remake of a 1973 porn "roughie" of the same name that starred Harry Reems (acting under a different name). From what I've read on IMDB, the results were awful. Tanya Roberts' career has always boggled my mind. I never thought she was all that good as an actress, and yet she keep moving up the ladder from low-budget crap like this (and the wonderful TOURIST TRAP) to being an Angel and Bond girl.





ON THE RIGHT TRACK:

Ugh. Yes, I hang my head in shame and freely admit that I own this poster. Ha! It was in a lot purchase a long while back. Did anyone ever actually see this flick? I sure never did. I remember when it came out, though. I was already over the whole Gary Coleman thang. Why bother seeing him at the movies when you could watch him on DIFF'RENT STROKES every week on TV for free?





HEIDI'S SONG:

If you thought ON THE RIGHT TRACK was awful... O' the horror! It's HEIDI'S SONG? Lorne Greene was apparently one of the voice actors. Eek! I can't imagine him in a MUSICAL? (This IS a musical, right? It sounds painful...)






ZAPPED:

Yes, I am the lucky owner of the poster for the Scott Baio/Willie Aames comedy ZAPPED. I know you are all jealous. Just get over it. (Although, alas... I do NOT have the one sheet for the I'm-sure-you've-forgotten sequel, ZAPPED AGAIN. Oh well, there'll be other lots in my future, I'm sure. Maybe I'll get (un)lucky again???









BOOGIE VISION:

I have this on DVD (it was on a triple-feature disk Media Blasters put out several years ago that I still have not bothered to watch yet)...but really? Did I need the poster, too? Actually I already HAVE another copy (from another previously purchased lot, no doubt). According to IMDB, it's about a struggling filmmaker who learns his girlfriend's father is a movie producer. He throws together a bad sci-fi flick in 3 days to give to the producer---only he doesn't realize the producer is an adult film producer. Hilarity ensues (or is supposed to, I'm sure). Whatever...





HOT AND DEADLY:

This looks like some sort of horror movie or some sort of I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE revenge flick at the very least. Apparently (IMDB again), this film is about a guy (not a girl, as featured on the poster) who gets recruited to be some sort of assassin...but he won't kill. So he becomes the target. I'd rather it was an I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE knock-off. Oh well...




MAN FROM DEEP RIVER:

Also known as SACRIFICE, this is the Umberto Lenzi flick that started the whole cannibal subgenre in the 70s. I have a copy or two of this poster, plus a better, full-color version with additional art work. This film is rather cannibal-light, but it did usher in the hard-to-watch gorier CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST and MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY among others.




MUTANT:

This is a fun (well...  more like okay) little monster movie with a terrible one sheet. Wanna be action star WINGS HAUSER (who? He's still working...so be kind) stars alongside Bo Hopkins and a grownup Lee Harcourt Montgomery (from BEN, BURNT OFFERINGS and THE MILLION DOLLAR DUCK).








THE ALCHEMIST:

It's another benign Charles Band flick (But Band is hiding under an alias as he sits in the directors chair. Hmm. I guess he didn't have much faith in the final product? The poster could have been better...)




CRITTERS:

Speaking of posters that could have/should have been better, I give you CRITTERS. CRITTERS was a popular low-budget hit about these small large-mouthed aliens that come to Earth...to eat us! Followed by several sequels as well as a new (2019) sequel movie and TV series, the poster for the film that started it all is a loser. It could have been so much better. Oh well...it is what it is.




CONGRATULATIONS!!!  If you made it this far, you've survived what was possibly/probably the lamest post ever! Phew! I know it was touch and go there for a while. But you made it through. You deserve a l-o-n-g smoke break after that (Even if you are not a smoker!) I'm kidding (and DON'T smoke). I was just trying to figure out a way to work in this FLINTSTONES gif of Fred and Wilma puffing away. SHOCKING!  But--go! You are free! You deserve a gold star for reaching this point. Hooray! It's all over. (At least until NEXT time. Hee hee!)




CHEERS!
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